H2oshy's Blog

True Friend – Advice / Opinion February 4, 2010

Well, well, well! I just finished reading a blog from a friend of mine who is going through pretty much the same thing as I. Only thing is, I think he may be a bit “green” to single life and relationships! I’m not claiming to be any kind of expert by any means but, some of the questions and situations he’s bringing up now scream at me because I have gone through them many times!

Here ‘s the basics of the issue: Married for almost 15 years, 2 kids, now separated and living the single bachelors life for about 6 months. Doesn’t like to be alone and legally is still married.

I did fall in love. We were together (off and on) for about a month. Off and on, because we would be together for a week or so, have a great time, grow close, then all of a sudden, her mind would change. Then after about a week, we would talk again, the feelings would rekindle, and the whole thing would recycle again. During our on times, she would tell me she loved me, tell me the things that she loved about me, etc… During our off times, it would be that she wasn’t attracted to me, she didn’t like how she treated me

Here is where I start ranting! First of all, how in the hell do you fall in love in only 1 month? I know it can be done and there are marriages that have lasted a long time from these types of beginnings however, there are a lot more failures than there are successes. Secondly, I don’t think anyone has ever talked to you about “the Rebound”. For those of you new to life, “the Rebound” is the very next person you are with. It’s not a long term thing. It’s just a breaker, if you will. Something to get you started and over the last. NO ONE wants to be “the Rebound”! NO ONE wants to be with “the Rebound”! Plain and simple! If there were another way to describe it, I would lean towards the following:

Let’s say you are a river that has a dam holding you back. You get the occasional outflow and you are happy. The systems are all good and all of the sudden, the crew quits. You don’t have anyone to help you get your occasional outflow and are starting to swell. Then you find a new crew that you know nothing about but they look nice and can perform! They open the values a little and you start flowing again. Each time the valves are open a bit more and more! You are happy again!!!

Can you honestly say that after almost 15 years of marriage, 6 months of separation and 1 month of off and on “dating” you are in love with the new crew? There is NO WAY!!

Dude, as a friend and as a guy, I am telling you this with the upmost respect and sincerity! You need to get out and play the field! I’m not saying go out and be a total slutty guy and bang everyone you meet. I am saying, go out! Have fun! Be alone! Find yourself! You need to be happy with yourself before you “fall in love” with the first or second piece of tail you come in contact with. And I’m not sure the places you are going are going to get you the companionship you are searching for. You don’t have to become a monk. You are not being told you have to stay alone for the rest of your life. I know we aren’t getting any younger but man, you have got to get out and have fun. And having fun doesn’t have to involve picking up anyone! It can be just going and playing a round of golf with your buddies. Going to get a new tattoo! Going to a baseball game! Going fishing! You know, hanging out!

In the years I have known you, I have not one time heard of you just having a “guys day / night” to where you just went out with some friends and had fun. Bowling. Road Trip to a Casino. Going to the local racetrack. Hanging out and getting a few drinks. These are some of the things you could do! But what do you do? This is NOT “Cheers” and you don’t have to go somewhere that everyone knows your name! Get out! Experience life! Experience being you! Yes, you can still be you but, there is no need to RUSH into anything! You may feel like doing it because that’s what you’ve known for so long! You yearn for that companionship! You yearn for someone to be there all the time! STOP!

Be your own man! Be your own friend! DON’T go up into the ‘Bell Tower’ and start a shooting spree! But just hang! Who knows? Maybe you will realize and come to find that you really don’t need that companionship like you thought. Maybe you’re just bored all the time!

Here’s a little story you might enjoy: There once was a man from Nantucket…. (crap! I can’t use that one.) It reminds me of the line in “Colors” where the two cops were talking and the older one tell the story of the two bulls. You know the story. Baby bull and daddy bull were standing on a hill overlooking a herd of cows. The baby bull says to daddy bull, “Hey, let’s run down there and fuck one of those cows.” The daddy bull says, “No son. Let’s walk down….. and fuck them all!”

It seems to me, you are rushing yourself into finding anyone to be with that you are overlooking the big picture. If you would take a few steps at a time, you would be able to have everything you want and more! You are a great guy with a lot to offer any woman but, by being in a rush, you are not letting anyone get to know the real you and I’m afraid that you are currently looking for a “right now” relationship rather than a “lifetime” one.

No one is asking you to change WHO you are! No one said, put on a front! No one said to not be yourself! I honestly think if you were to take some time and reflect on yourself and get to know you, you will find that the you currently being portrayed is not the real you either! The real you is a caring, loving, funny, great individual and any woman that finds herself with you, should consider herself lucky! Just take the time to let the past become the past before you try to overlap times. You had a longer marriage than most would ever dream of. You have kids that are your world! You have over a decade of “Mr. and Mrs.” that you need to let go of! Be independent! Be fresh! Be You! Because in the end, if you are not true to yourself and happy with who and what you are, no one else will be either.

There will be some that disagree with a lot of what I said! That’s because they allow themselves to be run over by either their true selves or a woman. Deny it all you want but it’s true. I’ve been there! Done that!
As the song by Bowling For Soup goes, “I’m trying to say I love you, in a heterosexual way.”

Enough for the sappiness! next blog….. porn!!!!